Despite recent bouts of COVID, depression, and elevated stress, I had occasion over this holiday season to reflect on everything for which I’m grateful, and the list is long.
Yes, 2023 was a challenging year. I struggled with severe anxiety attacks that began in September 2022 and continued until mid-August 2023. They left me debilitated for the first hour or two every morning and were often accompanied by bouts of depression, some lasting weeks. There were days when I thought they would end me, but I live by two mottos: “life might knock me down, but it can’t keep me down” and “you didn’t come this far only to come this far.”
I’ve been grappling with the demons of depression and anxiety for over 45 years. For most of that time, I’ve been alone in my fight, but on this occasion, I had the help of three amazing women—my wife, my therapist, and my favorite singer on the planet, Dido (never say music doesn’t heal a broken soul). They are all my heroes.
My wife planned and booked every step of our June trip to Niagara Falls and the Thousand Islands, culminating in a visit to Boldt Castle on my birthday. It was a fantastic week. Travel does wonders for mental health.
It was also in June when my detective tale, “Pearl of Great Price,” was published in Hard-Boiled and Loaded with Sin by Hawkshaw Press. That also helped loosen anxiety’s grip on me.
At the same time, plans to release the second edition of Testing the Prisoner were coming to fruition. By early June, the book was fully re-edited by yours truly and two months later, artist pal Scott Barnett produced a cover that not only popped but exploded.
The book was released on September 18th. What happened next was nothing short of amazing.
First, I ran an Early Reviewers giveaway on LibraryThing, which resulted in five stellar reviews from the happy winners.
In October, after purchasing a copy of Testing the Prisoner from my table at the Easton Book Festival, writer and publisher Angel Ackerman—current president of the Greater Lehigh Valley Writers Group—praised the book on her blog as well as Amazon and Goodreads. By this time, Testing the Prisoner had been named as one of five finalists in American Book Fest’s 2023 Best Book Awards (Horror Category). Wow!
I was then contacted by horror writer Carson Buckingham who offered to review the book for Hellnotes.com. I sent a paperback to her in mid-November and shortly after Thanksgiving, she posted her effusive review, giving Testing the Prisoner six out of five stars!
As of this writing, I’m on the final round of re-edits to By Your Side, the second edition of which is slated for release on February 5, 2024 with a new cover by the aforementioned brilliant artist, Scott Barnett. The official launch will happen at Farpoint SF Convention in Pikesville, MD.
As I sit here on December 23rd, the house decked out for Christmas, anticipating a glorious week off from work and all of the writing and editing ahead of me, I do indeed have plenty to be grateful for. I hope you do as well. If you’re struggling, remember that you didn’t come this far, only to come this far. Life will knock you down at times, but problems and setback are temporary. Please don’t let them keep you down.
I wish you peace, love, and joy this holiday season and throughout the new year!
Regardless of genre, several of my stories present a protagonist forced to confront repressed pain in order to overcome it and move on. As its heart, Testing the Prisoner is about the trauma suffered by victims of child abuse and the emotional damage they carry into adulthood.
